Okay guys, please don't take offense to this. I don't mean all guys. I know that there are tons of good guys out there - like my boyfriend and my guy friends.
But I am ridiculously tired of some guys!!!
I went to a party last night / this morning. It's a Wednesday, my boyfriend lives in another town, so I go with a couple of my friends (who are married) and meet up with another friend there. Okay, so that's all good. I'm dancing, having a good time.
This one guy comes up and talks to me. Now I'm a friendly, nice person, okay. I talk to him. He compliments me. Okay thanks. But compliments are usually meant for "I want you in bed" or "I want to date you" not "hey, let's be friends". So I know this guy is into me in some way. I mention a boyfriend. Doesn't seem to matter to him. He asks for my number and I give it to him (why?!? I don't know). I eventually managed to ditch him (I had to go to the washroom). He comes up to me about an hour later when I'm dancing and he's all like "oh I was looking for you, I just sent you a text". I (for real) didn't check my phone so I didn't see the text. Then he's all "oh whatcha doing tonight" "want me to come home with you?". Ummm heck no. But I'm so nice and don't just say that. I'm just like uhhhh welllll. I don't know, do guys take "uhhhh welllll" as being interested?
Eventually that guy left, I was enjoying myself. I went to sit down for a second because I'd been dancing for a couple hours. Another guy comes up just as I sit down and he's all like "hey why are you sitting down?" so I'm like "I'm tired" and we have this weird conversation and then I finally give in and just get up and dance. He's asking me questions, I'm responding pleasantly. Then he's inviting me to this afterparty at his house with lots of alcohol ... I told him I didn't drink (very true actually!).
Finally my friend comes over and I'm good. Then another guy starts talking to me. Ugh ugh! Does something on me say "talk to me?!?" I mention a boyfriend as well. Doesn't seem like he cares. I'm at a party, I just want to listen to the music and dance! The third guy leaves a bit quicker than the other two which was a relief.
Then I'm standing with my two friends and this other guy goes "hey cutie, how are you doing?". "good thanks, you?" completely unenthusiastic. He asks me to chill with him after. I say no I have to work early. He says "everyone does". I don't have to work early. I don't have to do anything until late afternoon tomorrow, actually. But I give up on telling people that. He's like "can I at least have your number and we can link up?" So I'm like "yeah sure I can give it to you." Give him my number. He's like "yeah I'll for sure link up with you." Alrighty. Oh yeah, and my friends are just laughing at me the whole time!
Night is almost done, I'm just waiting for one of my friends to go to the washroom. The third guy comes up and asks for my number. Okay I give it to him.
Finally, all the guys leave. Whew! The third guy sends me a message.
You know, the second guy seemed like the nicest one of them all. What's with that? Aha. (For a friend, of course. I don't want to date any of them!)
The thing is, I don't want to be mean. But what do I do? I try and mention a boyfriend. Why can't guys a) ask about a boyfriend, and b) if you say you have a boyfriend, go away! Now one of the guys is texting me (third one). Oh wait, I just got a text from the fourth one. What the heck? I don't want to be mean!! I like to have friends. But I don't like those friends that always tell me how sexy, beautiful, etc. I am. My boyfriend is awesome at that! And I don't care that they think that! And I know I am!
I don't want to sound like I'm "all that" or anything. I know some people would like to have others approach them. But what am I supposed to do? I don't dress revealing or anything. Well okay sometimes I do (when I'm out with my boyfriend only!). But if I'm going out alone, I know this might happen. I was just wearing a jeans and a tank top that covered up quite a bit! I was wearing running shoes. I even put my hair up in a ponytail (everyone says it looks better down). I can't just like wear a sweater or something. When I'm dancing, it gets hot. I wish I had worn shorts or something but that would only make things worse.
And I don't want to just not go to parties. I go out most of the time with my boyfriend. But even then guys still come up to me! I'm like, can't you see I'm with someone?!? More so happens when I'm by myself or with other friends though. At the one party I went to, guys would be like "who are you here with?" Eventually I just said my boyfriend, even though he wasn't there. But if my boyfriend isn't around ... what do I do? Just not go to parties? I don't want to sit at home by myself. I want to be with my friends and I want to listen to good music and I want to dance!
I really thought these parties were different. I guess not. It's all about respect, happiness, love. Not picking someone up and trying to have sex or date someone.
I seriously don't hate all guys. I love my boyfriend. I love (in a friendly way) my friends. I hate guys who don't get the hint and do not listen when I say "I have a boyfriend." Ugghhh!! Okay, end rant!
But I am ridiculously tired of some guys!!!
I went to a party last night / this morning. It's a Wednesday, my boyfriend lives in another town, so I go with a couple of my friends (who are married) and meet up with another friend there. Okay, so that's all good. I'm dancing, having a good time.
This one guy comes up and talks to me. Now I'm a friendly, nice person, okay. I talk to him. He compliments me. Okay thanks. But compliments are usually meant for "I want you in bed" or "I want to date you" not "hey, let's be friends". So I know this guy is into me in some way. I mention a boyfriend. Doesn't seem to matter to him. He asks for my number and I give it to him (why?!? I don't know). I eventually managed to ditch him (I had to go to the washroom). He comes up to me about an hour later when I'm dancing and he's all like "oh I was looking for you, I just sent you a text". I (for real) didn't check my phone so I didn't see the text. Then he's all "oh whatcha doing tonight" "want me to come home with you?". Ummm heck no. But I'm so nice and don't just say that. I'm just like uhhhh welllll. I don't know, do guys take "uhhhh welllll" as being interested?
Eventually that guy left, I was enjoying myself. I went to sit down for a second because I'd been dancing for a couple hours. Another guy comes up just as I sit down and he's all like "hey why are you sitting down?" so I'm like "I'm tired" and we have this weird conversation and then I finally give in and just get up and dance. He's asking me questions, I'm responding pleasantly. Then he's inviting me to this afterparty at his house with lots of alcohol ... I told him I didn't drink (very true actually!).
Finally my friend comes over and I'm good. Then another guy starts talking to me. Ugh ugh! Does something on me say "talk to me?!?" I mention a boyfriend as well. Doesn't seem like he cares. I'm at a party, I just want to listen to the music and dance! The third guy leaves a bit quicker than the other two which was a relief.
Then I'm standing with my two friends and this other guy goes "hey cutie, how are you doing?". "good thanks, you?" completely unenthusiastic. He asks me to chill with him after. I say no I have to work early. He says "everyone does". I don't have to work early. I don't have to do anything until late afternoon tomorrow, actually. But I give up on telling people that. He's like "can I at least have your number and we can link up?" So I'm like "yeah sure I can give it to you." Give him my number. He's like "yeah I'll for sure link up with you." Alrighty. Oh yeah, and my friends are just laughing at me the whole time!
Night is almost done, I'm just waiting for one of my friends to go to the washroom. The third guy comes up and asks for my number. Okay I give it to him.
Finally, all the guys leave. Whew! The third guy sends me a message.
You know, the second guy seemed like the nicest one of them all. What's with that? Aha. (For a friend, of course. I don't want to date any of them!)
The thing is, I don't want to be mean. But what do I do? I try and mention a boyfriend. Why can't guys a) ask about a boyfriend, and b) if you say you have a boyfriend, go away! Now one of the guys is texting me (third one). Oh wait, I just got a text from the fourth one. What the heck? I don't want to be mean!! I like to have friends. But I don't like those friends that always tell me how sexy, beautiful, etc. I am. My boyfriend is awesome at that! And I don't care that they think that! And I know I am!
I don't want to sound like I'm "all that" or anything. I know some people would like to have others approach them. But what am I supposed to do? I don't dress revealing or anything. Well okay sometimes I do (when I'm out with my boyfriend only!). But if I'm going out alone, I know this might happen. I was just wearing a jeans and a tank top that covered up quite a bit! I was wearing running shoes. I even put my hair up in a ponytail (everyone says it looks better down). I can't just like wear a sweater or something. When I'm dancing, it gets hot. I wish I had worn shorts or something but that would only make things worse.
And I don't want to just not go to parties. I go out most of the time with my boyfriend. But even then guys still come up to me! I'm like, can't you see I'm with someone?!? More so happens when I'm by myself or with other friends though. At the one party I went to, guys would be like "who are you here with?" Eventually I just said my boyfriend, even though he wasn't there. But if my boyfriend isn't around ... what do I do? Just not go to parties? I don't want to sit at home by myself. I want to be with my friends and I want to listen to good music and I want to dance!
I really thought these parties were different. I guess not. It's all about respect, happiness, love. Not picking someone up and trying to have sex or date someone.
I seriously don't hate all guys. I love my boyfriend. I love (in a friendly way) my friends. I hate guys who don't get the hint and do not listen when I say "I have a boyfriend." Ugghhh!! Okay, end rant!
Okay, here's a lesson I didn't learn until my 30's: You don't have to be nice.
ReplyDeleteBe straight forward. When someone asks for your number, say, "I have a boyfriend." When they come back with some idiot response like, "So?" Say, "Would you like it if your girlfriend gave some guy her number?" If he doesn't get it then, tell him, "That's not appropriate. It was nice meeting you." Then walk away.
Who cares if you're mean? You probably won't see them again. And frankly, if they actually are nice guys who you might like to befriend, they'll have a lot more respect for a girl who stands her ground than a girl who caves just to be nice.
But don't stop going to parties. Remember, you're in control of the situation. Not them. ;)
Thanks! This is great advice! I'm only 20 ... I haven't learned enough yet!! :P I know I'm going to see this guy if I go to these Wednesday parties again. Oh well. That guy sent me a text "I just came home thinking about you today and I don't know why I'm missing you." He knows I've got a boyfriend!! Arg!!
ReplyDeleteI've stopped responding. I don't mind if people have my number but only my friends ... or people that don't want me like that.
I am too nice ... I know it ... I want to learn to be mean! :D