Being Secure

I used to be so insecure about myself.  If I was at home by myself, I'd think I was uncool and I should be with friends, like at a party or something.  Or I'd be self conscious about what I was wearing.  Maybe I should be showing more, or less ... either way.  But it is all the same thing, being insecure, self conscious, whatever.

It finally changed when I moved into the city.  Finally I had options.  I had things to do all the time.  I could go out whenever I wanted.  Tuesday night?  Wednesday night?  It doesn't matter, there is something I could be doing!  And now, even if I don't necessarily have someone to go with (say friends are away, boyfriend isn't around, whatever), I can still do something and I don't feel like a loser so much!

Now I feel comfortable turning down invitations instead of thinking 'this might be the only thing I can go to'.  Because there will be many more opportunities.

In fact, I'm finally comfortable staying home on a Friday night - by myself!  If I'm too tired or something, why can't I just stay home, watch a movie, relax, and go to bed early?  If for some reason I feel like going out, I can always just head out whenever, the buses and subway run forever, parties run forever!

I'm just so happy that I don't have to try and impress people by going out.  I can just do what I want to do and I don't have to worry about others judging me.  I can simply enjoy myself because I am secure with myself!

Ugh! Guys!

Okay guys, please don't take offense to this.  I don't mean all guys.  I know that there are tons of good guys out there - like my boyfriend and my guy friends.

But I am ridiculously tired of some guys!!!

I went to a party last night / this morning.  It's a Wednesday, my boyfriend lives in another town, so I go with a couple of my friends (who are married) and meet up with another friend there.  Okay, so that's all good.  I'm dancing, having a good time.

This one guy comes up and talks to me.  Now I'm a friendly, nice person, okay.  I talk to him.  He compliments me.  Okay thanks.  But compliments are usually meant for "I want you in bed" or "I want to date you" not "hey, let's be friends".  So I know this guy is into me in some way.  I mention a boyfriend.  Doesn't seem to matter to him.  He asks for my number and I give it to him (why?!? I don't know).  I eventually managed to ditch him (I had to go to the washroom).  He comes up to me about an hour later when I'm dancing and he's all like "oh I was looking for you, I just sent you a text".  I (for real) didn't check my phone so I didn't see the text.  Then he's all "oh whatcha doing tonight" "want me to come home with you?".  Ummm heck no.  But I'm so nice and don't just say that.  I'm just like uhhhh welllll.  I don't know, do guys take "uhhhh welllll" as being interested?

Eventually that guy left, I was enjoying myself.  I went to sit down for a second because I'd been dancing for a couple hours.  Another guy comes up just as I sit down and he's all like "hey why are you sitting down?" so I'm like "I'm tired" and we have this weird conversation and then I finally give in and just get up and dance.  He's asking me questions, I'm responding pleasantly.  Then he's inviting me to this afterparty at his house with lots of alcohol ... I told him I didn't drink (very true actually!).

Finally my friend comes over and I'm good.  Then another guy starts talking to me.  Ugh ugh!  Does something on me say "talk to me?!?"  I mention a boyfriend as well.  Doesn't seem like he cares.  I'm at a party, I just want to listen to the music and dance!  The third guy leaves a bit quicker than the other two which was a relief.

Then I'm standing with my two friends and this other guy goes "hey cutie, how are you doing?".  "good thanks, you?" completely unenthusiastic.  He asks me to chill with him after.  I say no I have to work early.  He says "everyone does".  I don't have to work early.  I don't have to do anything until late afternoon tomorrow, actually.  But I give up on telling people that.  He's like "can I at least have your number and we can link up?"  So I'm like "yeah sure I can give it to you."  Give him my number.  He's like "yeah I'll for sure link up with you."  Alrighty.  Oh yeah, and my friends are just laughing at me the whole time!

Night is almost done, I'm just waiting for one of my friends to go to the washroom.  The third guy comes up and asks for my number.  Okay I give it to him.

Finally, all the guys leave.  Whew!  The third guy sends me a message.

You know, the second guy seemed like the nicest one of them all.  What's with that?  Aha.  (For a friend, of course.  I don't want to date any of them!)

The thing is, I don't want to be mean.  But what do I do?  I try and mention a boyfriend.  Why can't guys a) ask about a boyfriend, and b) if you say you have a boyfriend, go away!  Now one of the guys is texting me (third one).  Oh wait, I just got a text from the fourth one.  What the heck?  I don't want to be mean!!  I like to have friends.  But I don't like those friends that always tell me how sexy, beautiful, etc. I am.  My boyfriend is awesome at that!  And I don't care that they think that!  And I know I am!

I don't want to sound like I'm "all that" or anything.  I know some people would like to have others approach them.  But what am I supposed to do?  I don't dress revealing or anything.  Well okay sometimes I do (when I'm out with my boyfriend only!).  But if I'm going out alone, I know this might happen.  I was just wearing a jeans and a tank top that covered up quite a bit!  I was wearing running shoes.  I even put my hair up in a ponytail (everyone says it looks better down).  I can't just like wear a sweater or something.  When I'm dancing, it gets hot.  I wish I had worn shorts or something but that would only make things worse.

And I don't want to just not go to parties.  I go out most of the time with my boyfriend.  But even then guys still come up to me!  I'm like, can't you see I'm with someone?!?  More so happens when I'm by myself or with other friends though.  At the one party I went to, guys would be like "who are you here with?"  Eventually I just said my boyfriend, even though he wasn't there.  But if my boyfriend isn't around ... what do I do?  Just not go to parties?  I don't want to sit at home by myself.  I want to be with my friends and I want to listen to good music and I want to dance!

I really thought these parties were different.  I guess not.  It's all about respect, happiness, love.  Not picking someone up and trying to have sex or date someone.

I seriously don't hate all guys.  I love my boyfriend.  I love (in a friendly way) my friends.  I hate guys who don't get the hint and do not listen when I say "I have a boyfriend."  Ugghhh!!  Okay, end rant!

It's Tough Being Popular

This blog title is just for amusement.  But it does have some truth to it.  As I've mentioned in past blog posts, I have really changed and 'come into myself' since I started dating my boyfriend.  It kept progressing and I just feel so much more like 'me' now!  It is amazing!

The thing is, I lost a lot of my 'friends' when my ex and I broke up.  That was over a year ago but still.  Some of these people, I had been friends with for years!  And yes, they ditched me for my ex.  I've learned that they weren't good friends anyway but it is still hard to have 90% of the people you hung out with just stop talking to you.

So, in my last year of college, I made so many more friends.  People in my class, of course.  A couple of them who seem like friends that I will stay in touch with.  But then my boyfriend and I have made new friends, together!  And it is just incredible!  I am so happy with the friends that I have made.  It is exciting because they invite both of us to places and events - not just him and then I tag along (which happened with my ex ... Maybe I should have noticed the clues then!).  But they invite both of us!  Not just one of us!  I love being included in it.

The other thing is, people like me more.  This may seem a bit odd but I'm always trying to make a good impression and I want everyone to like me and I get super worried (anxious) about this.  But I don't have to put in that much effort.  I can just be myself (the quirky girl that I am) and people generally like me!  With my ex and his friends, it was always hard to make conversation with people, it was always awkward and forced.  Now it all seems so natural!

It is kind of cool now.  I'm always invited to a few parties every weekend.  People are texting me on Friday night being like 'hey are you coming to x event tonight, I'm going, you should come!' and things like that.  I love feeling like I am part of things!  Next weekend, we (my boyfriend and I of course) are invited to the beach, camping, a couple clubs/parties, and a friends place for a get together.  I have never had to decide between so many things before!

It is just making me so happy, to have such great new friends who I can bond with, to have such an amazing boyfriend, and to just really be me!

Losing Your Friends

Have you ever just kind of drifted apart from your friends?  I have been lately, in the past few months.  I mean, I have changed a bit, but they just haven't accepted me.  I feel like I've grown up a lot and they haven't.

In high school, there were four of us that hung out like all the time.  The guy in the group kind of ditched us after high school, but no big deal.  Then there were the three of us and we were still pretty close during our first year of university even though we didn't see each other much.  They were really supportive of me when I was having a tough time that year.

After that year, I switched to college.  Since then, my relationship with them has been really downhill.  I don't think they like that I went to college (since university is considered the "smarter" of the two).  But I'm still smart.  I mean, I'm the top of my class here at college.  But I think they didn't really like that I switched (even though I hated and was horrible at my program at university).

Then I broke up with my boyfriend of almost three years.  Then I slept with another guy.  They both like guys and everything but they have never really had serious relationships or anything before (and defintely never had sex).  They thought I was just using this guy to get over my ex.  Honestly he was just using me for sex at first too!  But it ended up going well and I've been dating this guy for over a year.  The point is, they just judge me for this.  Maybe sex is a big deal for them.  It's different for me.  Like it is important but I'm not just going to wait for years or something.  That's not me.

They also seemed upset when I started partying a bit more.  The thing is, I'm maintaining friends at college, I'm at the top of my class, I'm working three part time jobs, and I've got a great boyfriend.  Everything else is going well.  So what if I go out and party every other weekend?  What else should I do?  I could study but I can't do much better than I'm doing now anyway.  And even if I wasn't partying over the weekend, I certainly wouldn't be studying!

I get it, friends drift apart.  But I just don't get why the two of them are just judging me so much.  We were best friends for years.  We supported each other.  We had fun together.  All good!

I guess things change.  I have new friends.  They have new friends.  I keep some old friends of course.  I'm not sure when it's time to move on from them though.

How To Get A Date

This is something that many people find difficult.  Now, I'm aiming this at young adults.  College aged, mostly.  But you can use some of these methods if you are in high school or college graduates.  So here are some basic tips to getting a date.

1. Be confident.  If you don't think you're any good, it makes it a lot harder for you to find someone.
2. Just ask him/her out.  He or she is probably scared to ask you out.  So if you go for it, it might actually work!  You have to just go for it!
3. Do not obsess over one girl or guy if you aren't with her or him.  This just makes you seem desperate.  There are other people out there too!
4. Go out, meet people, have fun.  Do not stay at home and do nothing.  Do something!  Anything!  It will make you more interesting.
5. Nothing to talk about?  See #4.
6. Keep yourself healthy.  Eat healthy and exercise.  You don't have to be a body builder or personal trainer or anything, but being healthy is attractive.
7. Have your own interests.  You will always have stories to tell and things to talk about.
8. Don't be mean.  Making fun of people or anything else is not the way to get a girlfriend or boyfriend.  Being nice and respectful IS the way!
9. Go for a kiss!  Even if he or she isn't ready, at least he or she will know what your intentions are!  If you play along as "just a friend" for too long, he or she could just move on.
10. If he or she has told you he or she doesn't like you, move on.  There are tons of other people out there.  So if you have been rejected, find someone else!

Hating The Love of Valentine's Day

A lot of people are anti-Valentine's Day because it's just a big marketing hype for stores to get money. I've heard all that before. So a lot of people just don't celebrate it.

But I really don't see what's wrong with celebrating a day of love. You don't have to spend a lot of money to show someone that you love them. Am I going to spend a lot of money on my boyfriend this Valentine's Day? Certainly not. I am, however, going to spend some time with him. I'm also going to give him a nice homemade card and some delicious cookies. I am sure that he will appreciate the time I spent doing both of those things. But how much money did I have to spend? Not a whole lot!

I hear of so many "anti-Valentine's Day" parties out there. For me, it just feels like hate parties. The reason I am not too fond of Valentine's Day anymore is because of these hate parties. I really don't get why everyone is hating the love. Instead of being a day for love, it's turned into a day of hate. It is like ... what has this world turned into?

Even if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, there are a ton of other single people out there. You can still have a party. But make it a Valentine's Day party instead of anti-Valentine's Day. Have fun. Show your friends that you care about them (without spending money). I really don't see anything wrong with a fun, loving, caring day where you can cherish your friends, family, and significant other. Sure, you "should" do that every day - but who really does?

So for anyone attending an anti-Valentine's Day, think about it. Why hate the love?